red
this week im truly feeling the “so over” state of mind…school has started for the summer and my lack of motivation, though honestly more of a lack of desire, is daunting. we get studios for the summer which is a huge plus and something ive been looking forward to, but i havent even been back in new york a week and the people surrounding me have already proved exhausting once again. what i really feel is that i need to make a change in myself, within myself, to be able to overcome the things that i find dissatisfying in my current conditions. i am in a constant mental conversation with myself about how i could handle certain situations differently, not for those other people, but for myself…to make my own life happier and more authentic. i often let new york take too much of myself away from me, when i should be enriching my sense of self in a place that is magically diverse. my mother always celebrated my ability for patience but i fault myself for only having patience for certain people/situations. i am determined to find the patient, elegant, compassionate me.
